


The McCormick Name

by CupcakeGumdrop3



Series: Plastic Things [1]
Category: South Park
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Love, Marriage, Unhealthy Relationships, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-02
Updated: 2019-04-02
Packaged: 2019-11-09 04:39:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17995025
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CupcakeGumdrop3/pseuds/CupcakeGumdrop3
Summary: This story follows Carol and Stuart on their wedding day.Inspired by those cheap glue-on nails that snap off the MINUTE you touch anything remotely solid.<3





	The McCormick Name

**Author's Note:**

> Definitely canon for my When Do I Get Out Of Here universe, but the story stands alone. You don't have to read that giant monster of a series to get any of the references in this one-shot... except for one. *evin grin*
> 
> (There is a major plot point for the McCormick storyline that is mentioned here very vaguely and briefly, but I didn't want to give it away because I haven't dropped that bomb in the series work yet. When I do, you'll be able to tell where I was referencing it, and it'll hurt that much more, I'm sorry). 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy Stewart and Carol's wedding as she takes on the McCormick name.
> 
> P.p.s. In my head Carol comes from money, like TOKEN amounts of money, and she lost it all when her family cut her off completely after three strikes: dating, getting high with, and then getting pregnant by Stuart. They were willing to support her and the baby, but getting engaged was the last straw and they abandoned her. Poor Carol. 😔

“I look FAT!”  
  
Carol tried not to feel completely irritated at the exasperated sigh she heard behind her.     


“You’re not fat, you’re pregnant.”  

There was a quiet whoosh of fabric as the bride turned to the side and smoothed down the front of her dress.  

“I’m not big enough to look pregnant, I just look like I ate too many tacos… _it’s not funny!”_

Carol spun around to glare at her cackling friend.

“I’m sorry,” Laura snorted, “but the way you just described it _WAS_   _really funny!"_ The Maid of Honor patted her cheeks to dry her tears of laughter before they messed up her makeup. " _‘Too many tacos’,”_ she quoted with a snort.

So far, it had been a _really_ long and frustrating morning of hair, makeup and nails.  The stress of the day was beginning to suck all the humor out of Carol, and she didn't find it _that_ funny.  

Laura's infectious laughter, nasal and cackling, filled the otherwise serene, sun-streaked room.

Carol sunk into an antique Bergère — white, with a floral pattern she was sure she had seen in her grandmother's living room — and allowed a smile to stretch across her lips as Laura doubled over in delirious laughter.    
  
“I guess it was kinda funny.”Carol chuckled lightly.“But it’s true!"  She shot out of the French armchair and planted herself firmly in front of the floor length mirror again.  "My kid is gonna look at my wedding album and tell me I looked fat!”  

“You don’t look fat, even for someone who ate too many tacos.”Laura reassured her, searching through her makeup bag as she spoke.  

Carol narrowed her eyes at her own fat reflection.

“Besides,” Laura walked over to where Carol was fidgeting with her dress, “your kid is gonna look at your wedding album and see themselves right there.”Laura poked at Carol’s tummy lightly.“They’ll see that belly and know that they were here to experience this beautiful moment with you.Don’t diminish how special that is.”

Carol rolled her eyes.She hated to admit when Laura was right, and she was right most of the time.

“You always know just what to say… I hate it.”

Laura tipped her chin up victoriously.  
  
“Part of my job description as best friend is to tell you the truths you need to hear.”Laura waved her hands around in a circular motion before pointing a tube of eyeliner at Carol.“And right now you need to hear that your eyeliner is crooked, look up!”

Carol did as she was told.

It sucked that they didn’t have the money to hire a professional hair and makeup artist; they’d barely had enough money to rent this small venue from a sweet old lady who just so happened to host weddings out of her funeral parlor on Sundays.Carol guessed it was a nice change of pace from wheeling dead bodies down that aisle the rest of the week. 

 _'Such a cheap, plastic mirror to place in a room full of such expensive, antique furniture',_  Carol thought to herself as she looked through the glass _._  Odds are, none of it was any less than second-hand-yard-sale furniture anyway.  Such a shame for such beautiful pieces with so much potential. 

“There.”Laura announced as she capped the liner with a pop.“You would have killed me if I’d let Skeeter take your picture looking like that”.

“Yeah.”Carol agreed.  

The longer she stared at her reflection, the more she felt a rising panic.

“ _Why_ did you let me cut my hair?”She questioned with a squeaky groan.  Her eyes went wide as she pictured a very-likely-very- _stupid-_ scenario where her new husband would smile politely confess, _‘I like it, but I also liked it better before’._

Laura rolled her eyes.  

“Re-LAX, babe, you look _expensive_ with that haircut.Like a London model, or an edgy Hollywood starlet.You look like Mia Farrow in _Rosemary’s Baby,_ I promise.”

“Ugh.  You couldn’t have picked a reference that’s not outdated?”Carol fretted as she swiped her tiny bangs across her forehead in vain.  
  
Laura rolled her eyes again and caught Carol’s hand midair.“Then you look like Angelina Jolie, ok?Stop fussing with it, you look hot.”

Carol made a face at the short-haired, chubby-bellied woman in the mirror.  

“I do?”  
  
“Yes.”  Laura nodded.   
  
Carol raised her eyebrows.  

“And I don’t look like fat Peter Pan?”  

Laura snorted at the ridiculous comparison.  

“No you do not.I promise you, it looks really good.  And you can totally tell it was done at a _nice_ salon.”Laura nodded assuredly.

Yeah, it was.  And it was probably the last time Carol would be able to set foot in a salon that nice ever again.  Or at least for quite a while.  No more expensive haircuts, no more manicures.  

Carol absentmindedly ran a fingertip over her thumbnail and felt it lift up near her cuticle.  She scowled down at her press-on nails.They weren’t even nice ones, they were just the most expensive ones in the store (retailing $7 at the pharmacy), but her left thumbnail was already bent slightly and her right index finger was chipped.

It was not what she was used to, but she could no longer afford acrylics now that her parents had cut her off.

Such a painful realization manifested in such a cheap, plastic trigger.  It made Carol feel sick to her stomach.

Her eyes drifted to a plush, velvet armchair in the corner of the room.  Draped gracefully across the headrest, was her grandmother's veil. 

The very minute that Granny had heard that her little grand-baby was getting married, she _insisted_ Carol grab the dusty old thing from her attic and take it with her, bidding her it bring her as much luck in her marriage as it had brought her grandparents.Her sweet, old grandmother was too sick to attend the wedding, but Carol promised to send her the pictures and videos the second they were developed.  She tried to find joy in that, but it just wasn't the same as having her here.

Carol liked to think that her grandfather would at least be one family member of hers in attendance, watching down from heaven... provided he didn’t also disapprove of her life choices, like everyone else.  
  
Her eyes drifted to the floor with the heavy weight of a realization.  

“I wish my family were here.”

Laura stepped in close beside her and wrapped her arms around her best friend.  
  
“I’m here, sweetie," she consoled, resting her head against Carol's.  "And so is Thomas, if that matters to you,” she chuckled.Carol chuckled too, however empty it felt to her.“And Stuart is here.”Laura pulled back to look the trembling bride in the face. _“He’s_ your family now, baby.”Carol smiled as Laura patted the stray tear off of her cheek without smearing her blush.“Don’t cry.”

“It’s just the hormones… freaking kid.”Carol blubbered as another tear spilled over onto Laura’s manicured thumb.  
  
“Do you know yet?”Laura whispered excitedly, glancing down at Carol’s tiny baby bump.  
  
“It’s too early to tell.”Carol smiled, imagining a beautiful baby with her passion for life and Stewart’s fearless spirit.“But I’m hoping its a boy.”

 

Stuart fixed his tie for the millionth time in the full-length mirror as Thomas spun around in a wooden wheel-y chair near the vanity behind him.The chair actually looked like an antique, and if Stuart had known this new guy of Laura’s well enough, he would’ve told him to stop screwin’ around before he broke the damn thing and cost them a fine. _He’d_ be the one paying for the damn damages, if that were the case.

Thomas stopped spinning and looked down from the spot in the ceiling where he’d been staring.His eyeballs seemed to roll around in his face for a little bit before they finally focused on Stuart’s reflection in the mirror.The tall man began shifting his weight from one leg to the other, swiveling the chair left and right as he opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and then tried again.  
  
“Hey man.”He said simply, fidgeting in the swivel chair, grunting his conversation pieces gracelessly as the chair squeaked underneath him.“Nervous?”  
  
Stuart shook his head.  “Nah, I ain’t nervous about this.I love Carol with all my heart.S’the kid I’m nervous about.”  
  
Thomas nodded wordlessly, over and over again.Stuart stopped fidgeting with his appearance, expecting the tall redhead to speak again.Both men stared at each other for a good seven seconds before either of them realized they had nothing to say.  
  
Stuart went back to fixing his hair, which seemed permanently creased by a hat.

He heard the squeak of the chair as Thomas got up.  
  
“I heard you’re kind of on your own too, like Carol is now?"  Stuart narrowed his eyes a little and the redhead just shrugged.  "Laura told me," he explained.  “… are you… worried?”

Stuart sighed at Thomas’ monotone display of lukewarm concern.

“Man, why do you keep wanting me to be worried or concerned?"  He chuckled.  "It’s my wedding day, for fucks sake, it’s a party day!”Stuart cheered in an attempt to convince himself that everything Thomas was bringing up wasn’t absolutely horrifying.  
  
“It’s just.”Thomas sighed, slumping back into that creaky chair.  “I just wanted to ask how you’re planning on doing it because… well because… I’m thinking of asking Laura to marry me someday, and I know neither she nor I comes from a whole lot, so… I mean if you guys can do it…”

 _‘Yeah,’_ Stuart thought bitterly to himself, _‘Laura’s gonna end up with_ this _joker, after all the other men she’s dumped over the years.Fat chance.’_

Stuart grabbed himself another glass of water from the rusty sink nearby.

At this rate he was gonna have to pee in the middle of the vows, but it was something to calm his nerves.

He let the chill water slide down his tight throat, wishing it was tequila but grateful it wasn't.  He didn't want to appear completely obliterated in their wedding photos.Plus, he had made a promise to Carol to remain sober for the 9 months that she was being forced to.She had given him a free pass to get wasted at their reception tonight, provided no drugs were involved (it was hard enough getting clean the first few months of her pregnancy), but Stuart was gonna try and hold out for as long as he could.  For her.For all the sacrifices she’s made for their family... for all the sacrifices she's made for him...

He was pretty sure she was as close to an angel as he’d ever see in his poor, miserable life.

Stuart checked the time again.

3:25.Only five more minutes until he’d be watching his wife walked down the aisle.

 _His wife._  
  
_Carol McCormick._  
  
The thought sent chills down his spine.    

He took some lucky trinkets out of his pockets and examined them ritualistically.  
  
A button from his grandmother’s sewing kit, the ticket stub from his first date with Carol, and a small, folded up photo of his family from years ago.Before everything turned to shit.  
  
“That your family?”Thomas nodded towards the creased photo, looking nosily over Stuart’s shoulder.  
  
“That’s them.”Stuart answered, tilting the picture so Thomas could see it better.  The tall man nod repeatedly.   
  
“Hey man,” Thomas started with that sentimental tone again, “I’m sorry that your parents couldn’t be here today…”  
  
“Not that they couldn’t.Just that they wouldn’t.”Stuart grunted, coldly.   
  
Thomas nodded again.“…Did they cut you off?The way… the way Carol’s parents did?”Thomas phrased his question delicately.  The way Thomas spoke was choppy, like he was taking back each word as soon as it left his mouth.  
  
Stuart shrugged.  “Nah.Said they’ll be around once the kid is born, but they still can’t stand to look at me right now.Makes sense, their son is such a fuck-up.  I'm clean now, though.”  Stuart insisted.  
  
“Ok.”Thomas shuffled his feet.

“It’s ok.I don’t care.Besides,” Stuart looked back down at his picture, tracing his thumb along the wrinkled edge, “they're not who I wished I'd be seeing in that chapel today.  Up there with me, like I always pictured..."  Stuart's muttering voice trailed off.

Thomas stiffened like a deer in headlights before flexing his hands in a jerky movement so abrupt it made Stuart jump.  The awkward giant held his arms out tentatively for a hug.“Um… do you—”

“Nah, I’m good.”Stuart chuckled, waving away the incredibly awkward gesture and shoving the picture back down into his pocket.“I’m fine.”

  

Stuart marched his way to the front of the room, down the makeshift aisle fashioned with plywood benches and a slim carpet that didn’t quite make it the full length of the room.There was an altar placed atop a small carpeted stage, with flowers and candles, and a square archway made of fake flowers and twistable plastic vines.The petals felt waxy between his fingertips.

Stuart scanned the room.On the groom’s side, he had his new work friend Jimbo, Jimbo’s half-brother Randy — who had become somewhat of a friend on their many nights out drinking together — and Jimbo’s “hunting partner” Ned, who usually tagged along to anything that Jimbo went to.  

Carol’s side was empty.

Just looking at the empty pews made Stuart’s heart sink devastatingly.  

Thomas’ brother Skeeter (who Laura had _promised_ was an “ _amazing”_ photographer) fidgeted with a camera at the end of the aisle.Apparently he’d ventured a lot of now-failed, self-employed businesses over the years, and wedding photography just so happened to be his latest one.He pressed something, and jumped a little bit as the eject button popped the tape out of place.He quickly shoved it back in and continued to fidget with the other buttons.

Gerald Broflovski waved to him excitedly from the aisle as he rushed in to take his seat.Stuart blinked in disbelief as a smile spread across his face.  "Son of a bitch."  He was not completely sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.  

He had invited Gerald on a whim, not sure if he would even show up at the wedding of a high school friend he’d lost touch with more than four years ago.They’d only started talking again recently — after the McCormick household had imploded and Gerald had reached out his condolences — but Stewart still wasn’t sure if he’d show.

The groom broke formation and ran to the pews to greet his old friend.They hugged as Gerald congratulated him on his big day.  Stuart was about to open his mouth to ask what Gerald had been up to — last he'd heard Gerald had transferred out of community college to go to a real law school — but the reunion was interrupted.  

An electric organ began to play the wedding march, and Stuart scurried back to the altar with his heart pounding in his chest.  Skeeter ran to the front of the room and pressed record on two video cameras propped on tripods in the first row of wooden pews: one facing the bride’s entrance and one facing the altar.  Their officiant made his way down the aisle.   
  
It was almost weird that this funeral venue/makeshift elopement chapel even had legitimate-looking pews.Stuart was in the middle of wondering if that was considered blasphemous or not when the back doors of the chapel opened to reveal Carol, standing there in a long white dress, her grandmother’s veil cascading down in front of her shoulders.

 

“Are you ready dear?”The old lady who ran the funeral home asked Carol.Her hand was already gripping the elaborately engraved brass door handle.Carol suddenly felt more nervous than she had her entire life.She turned towards her best friend, who was already crying, a wide smile on her tight lips.  
  
“You’re ready.”She assured the bride, clutching her bouquet tightly.

Carol nodded.  
  
The priest walked down the aisle first.  

It was a miracle in itself that they were even able to find a legitimate Catholic priest to agree to officiate a ceremony under such conditions, but it was important to both of them, and after lots of research they found that a chaplain of a Catholic hospital would be allowed to perform at such an unorthodox ceremony.

Once he’d gotten to the front of the room, the old lady turned back to Laura.  
  
“Open that door, will you dear?”

The double doors opened in a grand gesture to reveal Carol standing in the middle of the doorway, feeling small under everyone’s gaze.

Her eyes shifted to the altar to see her boyfriend — her _husband_ — standing slack jawed and dumbfounded, gawking at her, mouth agape.  

She smiled at him.A crooked, smirking smile twitched across his face.He had mouthed something under his breath.It looked like ‘wow’.

She felt Laura grab her elbow.  
  
“Time to give you away.”She declared.Carol took a deep breath, and they took a step forward.

 

 _‘That’s my wife, that’s my wife right there.’_ Stuart kept thinking to himself over and over again as Carol walked down the aisle, a shy smile on her face as she greeted the guests with a nod and a smile.  Her eyes flickered to his and he felt the breath leave his lungs.He ran a hand down his face in disbelief as his vision started clouding with tears.

_‘My wife.Carol McCormick.My wife.’_

She grinned proudly at him as she glided down the walkway.  All eyes were on her, but she only had eyes for her husband.  
  
“Wait.”He announced as he jumped off of the small stage.

Stuart jogged up to Carol and kissed her passionately, holding her close to his body.  
  
He pulled away and shrugged at her adorably frazzled expression.  “We’re not allowed to kiss until they say to, but I figured if we’re not at the altar yet, it’s ok.”Stuart explained with a lopsided grin.  

He jogged back up the aisle and waited patiently to watch his bride walk the rest of the way.

 

Carol's heart was fluttering and her stomach was in knots, but she had never been so sure of this decision before now.This moment.This is all she needs: Stuart sweeping her off her feet whenever the moment seizes him.They didn’t need money, they would work those things out in time.They loved each other, and they would get by on that.

Once they had finally made it to the front of the room, and exchanged some words with the officiant, Laura dropped Carol's arm and took the place opposite Thomas at the altar.Carol could vaguely make out the conversation between the priest and her friend, ‘who gives this woman to be married to this man?’ And then Laura’s proud ‘I do’, or something like that.Their voices were all muffled to Carol’s ears, and she could only hear the pounding of her heart and the giddy chuckle in Stewart’s voice.  

“You cut your hair.”He observed, grinning like a doofus and gesturing to his own head for reference.

“Yeah,” Carol smiled and touched the back of her pixie cut, which used to fall bluntly above her shoulders, “you like it?”She asked, brushing her fingers against her bare neck self-consciously.  
  
Stuart shifted his weight and rubbed his lips together, looking off to the side as he uttered smoothly, “Babe, if we didn’t have a priest and all these people here right here right now, I’d be doing a whole lot more than just _kissing_ you halfway down the aisle.”

Carol blushed deeply.

“Stupid.”She tapped him with her foot.“I love you.”She whispered.  
  
“Love you too.”Stuart smirked as the priest cleared his throat and began speaking.

“Dearly beloved.We are gathered here today…”

  

Stuart didn’t hear half of what was happening during the ceremony.He was focused only his wife, bouncing on his heels excitedly as he watched her listening so intently to the poems and homilies.He bowed his head during the prayers and put the ring on her finger when he was told, but it was all strictly autopilot.

When finally, the blessed moment came:  
  
“I now pronounce you man and wife—”  
  
Stewart accidentally let out a little ‘woohoo!’ before the priest had even finished speaking.

“—You may now kiss the bride.”  
  
“Don’t gotta tell me twice.”Stuart shrugged as he stepped closer to his wife.

A chorus of cheers erupted over the small crowd as Stuart quite literally swept Carol off her feet, dipping her low like in those Hollywood movies and kissing her passionately.She playfully slapped him in the chest when his tongue slid against hers.

They finally stood back up and faced the crowd as Marvin Gaye’s “How Sweet it is (To Be Loved By You)” blasted over the portable speakers to play them out of the hall.It’s not a song Stuart would have picked, but it worked out just fine.

The bride and groom filed out, hands clasped together like two school kids running away.  In a way, that's exactly what they were doing.

 

The rest of the guests followed to the parking lot.  

Carol wrapped her husband — _holy shit_ — in her arms and kissed him once again before they would be too bombarded with congratulations to pay attention to each other.

“We’re married.”She giggled happily.  
  
“We are.”Stuart replied with a sly smile, gently cupping her chin and kissing her slowly as the guests burst noisily through the doors.

“Brah,” Randy exclaimed as the group wandered up to the bride and groom, “that was a way beautiful service.”Stuart held up a hand to indicate that no one should talk until the bide and groom were done making out.When they finally broke apart, Stuart caught Carol's hand and kissed it delicately, ignoring the small conversations and congratulations that the guests were murmuring to the happy couple.  Carol turned towards the guests, wrapping both arms around her husband as they were congratulated over and over again.

“I was seriously crying, bro.”Randy exclaimed again.  
  
“Yeah he was gripping my hand like he was giving birth.”Gerald announced in a slightly annoyed tone.  
  
“What?It’s not gay if I didn’t mean it that way!Just dudes watching a wedding together!Jeez, you reach for a buddy’s hand one time…” Randy scoffed, folding his arms across his chest self-consciously.  
  
“Oh, do you guys know each other?”Carol asked them politely.  
  
“Randy and I went to community college together,” Gerald explained.  Carol felt her husband twitch; it was always a sore subject for him that he only had a high school degree. 

“Go SPARTANS!”Randy cheered, jostling Gerald a little bit in his elation, his rat tail braid swinging behind his neck.Stuart’s friends were a weird bunch.

“So is everybody coming to BJ’s Restaurant with us?After dinner we’re hitting up local bars, you in Jimbo?  Ned?”Stuart pointed at his friends as he spoke.  
  
“I’m in!”Jimbo cheered.

"Yay!"  Ned answered through his mechanical larynx, pumping his fist in the air with a smile as he droned a monotonous cheer. Everybody else followed with a chorus of ‘I’m in!’ as well.

“We just gotta wait for Laura, she’s paying the venue.”Carol felt a little bit guilty that her friend, who used to always be the poor one, had convinced Carol to let her pay for their wedding.It was a loan of course, but only Carol knew that.One day she’d pay Laura back.  

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------

Once the gang got to BJ’s, they were shown to a table in a sparsely populated area usually reserved for big parties.Laura made sure the waitress knew that they were here for a wedding dinner (as if Carol _wasn’t_ still completely in her wedding dress), and the manager came over to offer everyone free drinks and dessert on the house, including a few small bottles of Chandon Brut Classic Champagne.Carol snatched one of them and hid it in her purse for later, when she and Stuart could sip on one glass each, and eat a bit of the small, six inch cake they’d bought to celebrate themselves.  They couldn’t afford a whole wedding cake for all of their guests (no matter how few were in attendance), so the cake was their little treat.

Before the manager left the room, Stuart jogged over to whisper something in his ear.The manager smiled and nodded before walking away.

“What was that about, hun?”Carol wondered as she sipped on her complimentary Diet Dr. Pepper. 

“Huh?Oh nothing.Let’s order some food!”

 

The telltale starting notes of the groom's requested song played over the restaurant loudspeakers at a high volume.  Stuart grinned and threw down his napkin.  
  
“Babe.”He gestured to Carol as he leapt out of his chair, offering his hand.

“What?”She gasped, looking around the room at the other guests.

 _‘Wise men say,’_  
  
“It’s our first dance, now come on, get up.”Stuart explained through a wide grin.

_‘Only fools rush in.’_

Carol stared at him in giddy disbelief as she took his hand, rising slowly.  

Stuart guided her over to an empty corner of the room and pulled her close to him.Carol placed a delicate hand against his shoulder.

 _‘But I can’t help falling in love with you.’_  
  
Stuart nodded, signaling Skeeter to start filming again.He quickly fumbled for the camera, opening the lens and pressing record as fast as he could.

Stuart rested his forehead against Carol’s and the two swayed to the music.

 _‘Shall I stay?’_  

“Did you do this?”Carol questioned over Elvis Presley’s velvety voice.

Stuart nodded, pulling her closer to him still.

 _“‘Would it be a sin if I can’t help falling in love with you?'”_ Stuart sang along as they danced.

Carol smiled, her lips an inch away from his.

Stuart tipped his chin forward and closed the gap, caressing his wife's cheek affectionately as the crowd cheered and hollered.He could feel her baby bump between them as they swayed to the music. _‘This is what love was supposed to look like’_ , he thought to himself.Growing up he’d never known, not until this moment.

Carol rested her head against Stuart’s chest and the two danced and swayed until the song was over.  The smooth sounds of the romantic melody melted into an ambient pop song at a lower volume.

The guests erupted into thunderous applause.Some even wiped at their eyes.

“Alright, let’s party!”Stuart declared, clapping his hands together and rubbing them excitedly.

He sipped his beer, and kissed his wife once more for good measure.  

 

The food came and it was a FEAST.  

Nachos, wings, sliders, mozarella sticks, stuffed mushrooms, dumplings, potato skins, buckets of fries, and these weird honey siracha brussel sprouts that Carol had never had before, but found delicious.She asked the waitress if they could get more for the table, and ended up eating them all herself.

The whole table just grabbed whatever appetizers they could pile onto their plates, and the waitress brought more and more plates of food.

After about three or four refills of several of the appetizers, everybody was beginning to feel full and satisfied.

The manager came back out to take the complimentary dessert orders himself, and wished Carol and Stuart congratulations one more time.

Laura attempted to pay for the check again, though they really only needed help paying for the venue and officiant.She and Stuart had a very polite argument about it, until Stuart finally convinced her that at other weddings the guests don’t even think twice about dinner, and therefore, dinner was his treat.

Carol wasn’t sure who would pay for the barcrawl, but she did know they had just wiped out their weekly allowance in a matter of minutes on appetizers.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The group wandered from bar to bar, drinking themselves into a stupor and causing a ruckus wherever they went.

Carol stared down into her glass of Canada Dry, garnished with a lime wedge, a cherry, and a sprig of mint.  Not that any of those three flavors were EVER meant to go together, but she figured it's just what the bartender cooked up for the sad, sober, pregnant lady to sip on as she watched as all her friends get smashed and have a good time.

It was like giving a toy phone to a toddler.  Only Carol would not be the one needing the babysitting tonight.  

She breathed in through her nose to swallow the scent of beers and ciders that seemed to encompass the building.  

Carol took another sip of her lime-y, minty, cherry ginger ale and put on a smile.  Stuart wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her tenderly on her cheek.  He hugged her tightly against his chest and swayed to the music.  His fingers absently brushed circles around her baby bump as he hummed along to Jewel on the jukebox.    

“You know?Some of these places are really cool?I should look into the service business.  Right?  Like maybe... maybe I should get a bar of my own, you know?”Skeeter rambled passionately, getting heated and pink in the cheeks as his wide, glassy eyes gazed around the dimly lit room.  The place was rustically crummy, with fashionably ironic neon signs on the walls.  Carol tried to imagine Skeeter owning someplace like this one day.  

“Yeah man, go for it.”Stuart muttered noncommittally into his drink before taking a swig.

Thomas rolled his eyes at his brother.He hadn’t said much tonight at all, but Carol hoped he was having a good time.

Randy was flat out passed out, slumped against the wall and breathing heavily.  Gerald was holding him up into his barstool so that he didn’t fall flat on his face.  
  
“Aw shit,” Stuart slammed his drink down, “RANDY,” he called obnoxiously across the sea of people, “YOU OK, MAN?”  
  
Randy nodded wordlessly, squeezing his eyes together in a pained expression.  His mouth was hanging open and he was drooling a little bit.

Gerald made a disgusted face and shook his head in a disapproval before adjusting his grip on Randy’s shoulders.  

“This place is dying down, come on, let’s hit the next one!”Laura called ditzily, unaware of her surroundings as she danced by herself next to her stoic boyfriend.

“We gotta wait for Randy to sober up.”Carol called over to her across the group.  
  
“WHAT?”Laura cupped her ear as she continued to dance.

“RANDY.”Carol called and pointed behind her.“GOTTA SOBER HIM UP.” 

“Oh!Well I got something for that.”Laura announced as she whipped out a little white baggy from her purse.  
  
Carol stormed up to her and snatched it out of her hands, making quick eye contact with her wide-eyed husband as she passed.  She could feel his gaze following them across the room as she dragged Laura by the hand.

 _“Are you insane?!”_ She hissed, pulling her friend into the quiet bathroom nearby.

“What?It’s just Adderall."

_"A METHAMPHETAMINE, Laura!"_  Carol was trying to keep as quiet as possible, in case anybody was in the bathroom with them, or listening through the door. 

"It is?"  Laura squeaked dumbly.  

Carol looked at her like she had just asked if the world might maybe be flat.  Laura waved her hands in front of her face as if to clear the air of judgement away from her.  

"Relax, I just had some leftover from finals week.  I'm _so close_ to _finally_ finishing my degree.  Look how small the amount is, that’s barely nothin'!”

“You do _not_ bring _drugs_ around _my_ _husband!”_ Carol clarified through gritted teeth.  

Laura smirked at her drunkenly.  

“What?”Carol demanded.  

“Your _‘husband’.”_ Laura sing-songed with air quotes as she swayed a little bit on her feet.

Carol grinned in spite of herself.“I know.”She gushed giddily.“But seriously, don’t whip that shit out just anywhere.You shouldn’t have even brought it with you!”

“I forgot I had it in my purse to be honest."  Laura shrugged.  "I’ve only done it once and besides, I'm not like Stuart."  Carol's heart sunk.  "Yeah, yeah, I know you didn't think I knew, but I know."  Laura waved a lazily disapproving finger around Carol's reddening face before tapping her temple knowingly.  "Anyway, I’m not into the kinda drugs he’s into.  They scare me, and frankly they should scare you too.”Laura lectured, drunkenly nodding approval to herself with closed eyes.  
  
“They scare me too, trust me.”

Laura opened her eyes and stared at Carol steadily, un-hazed in a brief moment of lucidity.  

"You'd tell me if you ever did drugs like that wouldn't you?"  

Carol felt small under Laura's intense gaze.  

"Yes."    
  
"...Good!"  Laura chirped peppily, giving Carol one swift pat on her shoulder before remembering that she was technically the one on trial here.  “Oh, but I don’t even like _do_ drugs, like this was the first; I bought Adderall off a freshman and I only did a tiny bit.A _teensy tiny_ bit for finals week and I hated it, I promise.”  She pouted, grabbing Carol's hands, hoping to convince her.    
  
“...Then you’d have no problem flushing it.”Carol tested her friend.

“Yeah.”Laura shrugged casually, kicking open a stall and tossing the baggy in carelessly.Carol stared down at the drugs as they swirled around the water and down the drain.

“Good.G-good.”Carol cleared her throat.“I’m proud of you.”  
  
Laura blew air through her lips.“Please, I already told you that was the first time.  I didn’t like it, and that’s it!I’d never even smoked weed with you before, have I?”

“No,” Carol agreed.

“Right!And I know whyyy, you know whyyy?‘Cause I’m a good girl.And you are too.”Laura reached forward and kissed Carol on the top of her head.“Good Carol.”She patted the top of her head before turning serious again.“I’m sorry I brought drugs around your husband.”

“It’s ok now.”Carol promised, feeling a little shaken nonetheless.“You said never again right?”

“Right.Cross my heart.”Laura smiled.  Carol's eyes flickered back to the still-humming toilet.   

“Ok.”

 

Stuart was already watching them like a hawk as soon as they walked out of the bathroom, not even waiting until they had made it near the bar before he anxiously confronted his wife.

“Oh hey, so, I was thinking, since she has it, maybe Randy needs it—”

“We flushhhed the drugssss, Stuart!”Laura slurred, patting him on the shoulder as she made her way back to her fuming boyfriend.  

Stuart blinked as she passed him. 

“Oh.You did.”

“Yes, we did.”Carol spoke shortly.“Why?Are you disappointed?”

Stuart grinned carelessly and chuckled.  

“I mean… a little.  _Ow!”_  Carol had slapped him in the face, hard. 

“What the fuck?”  He spat angrily, holding onto his cheek.  

Carol didn’t have words.She just stared back and him wildly, blood boiling in shallow hatred and betrayal, tears brimming in her eyes.  


"What are you mad at me for, huh?"  He hissed.  "What did I do?"  Stuart advanced on Carol.  She took a step back until her heel hit the leg of a cluster of tables and she was cornered in the dark and noisy bar.  "What is it?"  He taunted harshly, "Did I ruin your friend's 'perfect' image of your shiny new husband?  I thought you wanted to date the bad boy.  Defy _Mommy and Daddy?"_

"Shut up!"  Carol shouted at him, shoving him backwards, beginning to feel tears well in her eyes. 

"'Perfect Carol with her perfect husband.'"  He mocked, cruelly.    

"You son of a bitch."  Carol spat in whisper, tears obscuring her vision.  She couldn't even look at him.     

"I wasn’t the one who brought that shit in here, ok?That was _your_ pill-head friend.  I'm clean!”He muttered, visibly trying to keep his cool, but his tone was low and dangerous, getting louder with each word until he could almost be heard over the loud bar music. 

“She told me she’d only done it once and then forgotten it in her purse!” Carol spat back defensively.  The words sounded childish as they left her mouth, like Carol was making the same excuses for Laura that she had made for her husband many times in the past.  

“Really.”Stuart sneered, cocking an eyebrow in hurtful disbelief.

“Yes.”Carol folded her arms, wishing she could smack the smile off his stupid face again.

“And… you believe her?”He chuckled harmlessly.  
  
“Yes!”Carol insisted.She really did!

“Well…" Stuart took another step closer and smirked, "doesn’t it all sound a little too familiar?”

Carol slapped him again.She didn’t care how hard.Stuart grabbed her tightly by the arm and pulled her out an exit door into a nearby ally.  He shoved her back into a brick wall as he pinned her there by her shoulders.

“You have got to stop _smacking_ me woman, or I am going to _hit you.”_ He threatened.

 _“You’d hit your pregnant wife?”_ She countered fearlessly.She knew he wouldn’t, he had never before.But then again, neither had she.

Stuart’s face melted into an expression of shock and realization.  He looked between Carol's eyes lucidly for the first time in hours, and muttered unintelligible protests between his trembling lips.  His body shook as bitter tears fought the rage he was just riding like a high.He choked out a sob and collapsed against Carol’s shoulder, burying his face in her neck as he apologized profusely.  
  
“It’s ok.”Carol promised emptily, stroking his sweaty hair, "It's ok."  Stuart shook his head, blubbering apologies to her as he caressed her baby bump and apologized to _it_ too. 

“I’m sorry.”He kissed her neck.“I’m sorry.”He kissed her cheek.“You know what drugs do to me.You know who they make me, and I just miss them, it's so hard!”

“I know baby, I know.”  She did.  She really did.  

“That’s not me.”He choked out pathetically.

“I know.”Carol comforted him.

“I’m sorry.”He whispered.“This is still… the greatest day of my life… I really hope I didn’t ruin it… piece of shit, I’m...  _so_ drunk.”

“Baby,” Carol cooed, wiping his tears as he wiped at snot with the sleeve of his dress shirt, “you didn’t ruin it.I promise.This is still the best night of my life too.Hey,” Carol tilted his chin up as if to give him permission look her in the eyes again, “I love you.”She promised.

 _“I love you too.”_ Stuart sobbed before collapsing into another heap against her shoulder, caressing her belly as he sniffled.

 _“‘Wise men say, only fools rush in,’”_ Carol sang quietly against his ear.  

 _“‘But I can’t help falling in love with you.’”_ He sang with her in the quiet ally.

They were silent for so long that Carol began to recognize the patterns of the crickets nearby.

“We should go back inside.”He announced as he straightened himself back up.

"Ok.”Carol smiled.

“I’m not a bad person for getting emotional over uppers.”Stuart declared, pointing both hands towards his chest.“I’m not.”He sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than her.

“…I know baby.”She caught him as he began to sway from drunkenness.

The couple made their way back inside, with Carol letting Stuart lean on her for support as his feet fumbled beneath him.  

Just before they'd made it back to the bar, Stuart pulled Carol aside. 

“Babe.”He summoned her towards him with a wave, leaning in closely so only she could hear.“Don’t pretend you don’t miss it too.”

 

The rest of the night passed by for Stuart in a blur.

His eyes were sore, like he'd been crying, but he had no idea anymore what he could possibly have to cry about on such a beautiful night as this one. 

He had vaguely remembered getting into a fight with his wife, but he couldn’t remember over what or how serious it was.

Every time he thought of it, he just thought of how he had a _wife_ now!Carol was his _wife!_ And he’d become so overcome with joy that he’d pick her up and spin her around, or kiss her passionately and declare his love for her, until whatever the fight was about seemed to drift from her mind too; her eyebrows unfurled and her smile came back.Carol had come back to him.

She must have forgiven him, whatever it was that he'd done.  

At the end of the night, the lights finally kicked on at the last bar they’d visited, and it was time to go home.

“You don’t have to go hooome, but you can’t stay here!”  Stuart called drunkenly to the ten or so people who were left in the bar.

“Man it never gets old hearing obnoxious drunks say that for us.”One of the bartenders sneered to the other one.

It would have made Stuart angry if he wasn’t in such a fabulous mood.Yeah, _'fabulous'_ is what he’d call it.He was at a comfortable obliterated, he had not a care in the world, and he had his wife by his side.That sounded pretty fabulous to him.

Carol babysat everybody, and made sure they all had a safe way to get home at the end of the night. 

“I’m not going hooome.”Laura giggled in a whisper as Carol helped her into a cab. 

“Ooooh, wrap it up, Tom!”Stuart called into the cab window, holding his hand up for an air-five.  Thomas just stared at him blandly; he clearly didn't find it humorous. 

“Call me when you get there safe.”Carol hugged her friend.

“I will.”Laura promised.She’d probably forget.  

Once everyone was taken care of, Carol hailed a cab for her and her husband.

“Hey.”Stuart nodded towards her, tapping her on the shoulder like a petulant child.“We’re married.Your my wife, and the mother of my child, and all my future children, and I love you soooo much, and I’ll love you all my life, until the day I die, and even then,” he poked at her nose lovingly, “I’ll be waitin’ for you in heaven.”  

Carol laughed like she'd never heard such a ridiculous thing in all her life.  He laughed with her, even if if seemed like he was the butt of the joke.   

Stuart didn’t know what she had said after that because he’d blacked out.

He woke up as she was shaking him awake to walk himself into the house.  She couldn’t carry him.

Stuart leaned on Carol heavily as he struggled to use his own two feet.

He was back out again as soon as his head hit the pillow.

The last thing he remembered was hearing his wife's retreating footsteps in the dark.  

 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carol unzipped herself out of her wedding dress and pulled her grandmother’s veil out of her purse.She was happy she hadn’t worn it to the bars, or it would have that same ugly bar smell that her dress now stunk of.

She ran her hands lovingly over the fabric a few times before storing it back in the old shoebox that her grandmother had given her.

She placed it all the way up in the attic with her dress before even brushing her teeth.

Carol had begun to feel hungry so she walked herself to the fridge.

Right next to the cheese slices was… oh right… the cake.

Carol figured it would still be good in the morning.She checked the temperature on the fridge and deemed it so.She pulled the 6 oz. bottle of champagne from her purse and shoved it in there as well, before deciding to open it and pour herself a shot glass of champagne to toast her wedding day.

Even if she was drinking it by herself.  

It may go flat by the morning, but if Stuart complained about it she’d just convince him that he’d been the one to open it for only a tiny sip.  

"Cheers, baby."  She toasted to her stomach before taking one small swig, and throwing the rest of the shot down the sink. 

Carol got into pajamas and crawled into bed with her husband.

He felt her weight shift on the mattress and rolled over to hold her.

“My wife.”He giggled to himself with his adorable dopey smile.Carol looked down at his peaceful face and realized how much she really did love this man with all her heart.

“My husband.”She whispered affectionately before kissing him on his nose and running a thumb down his rough cheek.Stuart smiled widely and drifted back to sleep, drooling against her shoulder almost instantly.

Carol crossed her arms across her belly and stared up at the ceiling, thinking about the ceremony, their vows, their first dance, and their first night out as a real married couple.  

She just stared at the ceiling, watching the fan spin around on one of the rare, early-Spring nights in Colorado, feeling the rhythmic breathing of her husband next to her and listening to the clock tick on in the hallway.


End file.
